Short Hair Cuts

Lesbians like short hair cuts. This is not to say that all lesbians have short hair cuts. But it is a fair statement to say, “a lot of lesbians have short hair.” In fact, if a straight woman has a short do, she is often mistaken for a lesbian. I had an overbearing loud bossy boss who I was SURE was a lesbian on account of her short hair cut. Turned out she has a husband and two kids. I’m certain she had sexual encounters with women in college though…

The point is, lesbians love short hair cuts. Lately the style is kind of the teen age boy comb over look. Some go for the all out faux-hawk, which is making its way out. Some of the old lesbians still maintain their mullets, in spite of all the anti-mullet sentiments in the 21st century.

In the picture, Kim from ANTM fame sports a faux-hawk sweep over combo.

Hibernating

Lesbians hibernate. Ever noticed how there are a) way more gay bars than lesbian bars, and b) mostly single girls in the lesbian bars that do exist? Lesbians go out to find a girl, and when they find one, they tend to disappear. Especially during the winter months. Unless you live in a warmer climate, of course, in which case there will be very few lesbian bars anyway. There will probably be a lot of hibernating older lesbians though. And year-round softball for that matter.

Ellen Page

Lesbians love Ellen Page! She is adorable. She may or may not be a lesbian. And if she is, good for her. And if she isn’t, good for her. She is AWESOME in Juno, and fucking crazy in Hard Candy. If one wants to speculate, which is fun, take a look at her walking in heals on the Late Show: (Ellen on the Late Show) And then she did that whole “Primo Lesbian” sketch on SNL, which some people thought was funny and some people thought was too stereotypical and lame. Either way, it launched her into the gay Rumor Mill. Also, she has the same way gay publicist as Ellen D. She went on Ellen’s show on her 21st birthday. Ellen on Ellen

As far as this blog is concerned, we’d love to have her over for dinner and drinks, whatever she is. She is the cutest thing to come along in a long while, and it will be exciting to see more of her.

Golf

Lesbians like golf. “A day on the links!” they’ll say. A group will don visors, shorts, and polo shirts and hit the course. I have never golfed and this blog entry probably makes that fact totally obvious. However, a lot of lesbians do indeed enjoy golf. Its out-doors, its competitive, beer is often involved, and you get to wear shoes with cleats. Shoes with cleats are masculine. Shoes with cleats could fuck your shit up if you cross an angry lesbian who could have bogied in the back nine but just hit a bowker.

See Golf Dictionary

Strap-Ons

Lesbians love strap-ons. While there are many ways to do it, let your mind wander, there is nothing like a good strapped-on deep dicking. Both bodies get involved, its hot, its as close to making a baby a lesbian couple is going to get. There isn’t much more to write on this subject. Go into any sex supply store, take a look at harnesses, pick out a plastic cock, and go to town on your woman. She’ll like it, and it might even make that dream where you have a penis seem not so weird.

Cohabitating

Everyone knows the joke, “What does a lesbian bring on a second date…a U-Haul.” Lesbians love to cohabitate. There are many reasons for this. Women get emotionally attached incredibly fast. Many lesbians live together and many lesbians that live together get either a dog or a cat or two in lieu of children. It is harder for lesbians to accidentally get pregnant than it is for heterosexual couples, so they often fulfill their womanly impulse to care for something by a) cohabitating and b) having an animal. Women are also very into commitment. Nothing says “i love you” like sharing a bathroom.

Since marriage is not legal, some lesbians might want to complicate their relationship by formalizing things with paperwork and lawyers. Gay Law offers advice on how cohabitators can make their relationship more closely resemble their married heterosexual counterparts, including protection for if/when the relationship should dissolve.

WNBA

Lesbians love the WNBA. At any WNBA game across the country you can count on there being a huge fan base of lesbians. This is for many reasons. First, WNBA games are not full of drunk screaming fat men. Second, these games tend to be more family oriented, and by family I mean both family and family. Third, a WNBA game is a great place to meet up with lesbian friends and acquaintances that one hasn’t seen all winter due to lesbian hibernation. (See Bent Magazine’s blog entry about homosexual hibernation.) Fourth, beer is served and there are a lot of women to look at, on and off the court. It is the perfect Friday night summer lesbian pre-funk.

Softball

Lesbians love softball. Some lesbians play just to hang out with friends and fuck around, and it can be a good way to meet chicks. Some lesbians live for the game. They eat, breathe, dream–softball.

Kathryn Jean Lopez, in her October 14, 2002 article in the National Review (FindArticles – Leagues of Their Own: The delicate question of lesbians and softball) wrote: In Diamonds Are a Dyke’s Best Friend: Reflections, Reminiscences, and Reports from the Field on the Lesbian National Pastime, Yvonne Zipter makes a compelling case that softball teams have long been the best way to meet lesbians. She quotes one woman’s account: “I’m not saying all women who play softball are gay, but . . . if you think someone is gay and you don’t have proof to satisfy your curiosity, [asking "Have you ever played softball?"] may be a solution.”

So for lesbians, softball is many things. It is a strong social network. Softball teams can become like families to lesbians. It is a group of people who share the love of women and the love of the game, and a group who provides the love and support they never got from their republican fundamentalist Christian parents. It also can be a very competitive outlet, serving as that masculine outlet for the lesbian. It is also fun. They can bring their dogs in their Subaru, and hit a ball around with a bunch of other chicks who love chicks.

Dogs

Lesbians LOVE dogs. Mostly they love big dogs. Lots of times these dogs are not properly trained and bark a lot. Sometimes though, the lesbian will spend a lot of time and take a lot of care to properly train the dog. Favorite breeds include Golden Retrievers and Black Labs. Lesbians tend to not like little dogs. This is a blow to their masculinity, and little dogs are not as apt to go on long hikes or root for them at a softball game. No one wants a little yappy dog fucking up their swing when the bases are loaded and they’re down by 1.

Subarus

Lesbians love Subarus. They are comfortable, sporty, run forever, and have plenty of room in the back for a couple of big dogs. The rack on top is reachable for short lesbians, and the four wheel drive makes a snow shoeing adventure easily accessible. The Subaru Legacy has even been dubbed the Subaru “Lesbacy.”